Wasting Time?

I had mentioned an idea that I had regarding socio****, and Ne base in particular to a couple of people.  Pretty much I was just thinking out loud, as well as trying to figure out if it was worth doing or not.  A couple of people showed interest in it, so I decided to go ahead and do it.  This morning I began figuring out what parts to cover as well as trying to figure out a couple of scenario examples.  I started at about 7am, and finally took a break at about 4pm.  Mentally I’m exhausted.  It’s like, I’ve used up all the energy available for this project.  I don’t really want to do it anymore.  And to be honest, I don’t really think that the video will be worth even half the effort it’s taken already.  I still have to actually do the filming, looking up images to insert in the right spots, and maybe sound clips as well, and then there’s the editing.  And even IF I were to get all that stuff done, it’s not like anyone would a) understand me, b) offer anything back.  So what’s the friggin use?  I can’t help the overwhelming feeling that it’ll be a waste of my time.  Not to mention opening myself up to all sorts of criticism.  I just….I just want to crawl into shell and hide.  This isn’t the kind of stuff that comes natural to me.  It takes sooo much freakin work, and very little to no feedback.  So why do I even bother?

*sigh*  That’s the problem.  Why do I bother?  Because normally, I offer a story of myself to another person, and they respond back with some kind of similar story.  And with this stuff, I want to know what goes on inside other people’s minds.  I want to crawl into their head and explore.  But this kind of stuff…this kind of stuff requires a sense of self-awareness that many if not most people don’t have.  Even I wouldn’t have it if it hadn’t been for a couple of incidences.

And sometimes…sometimes I wonder if I’m seriously just not made for understanding these kinds of things.  Not people, but, the more sciencey aspects.  I mean, it’s always been so hard, and it’s like paddling up a creek without a paddle.  But I had always refused to consider that it was completely denied me.  That maybe if I learned a little more logic, a little more critical thinking, if I just put in a little more effort, or found just the right method, that I’d finally have the world opened up to me academically.  But it doesn’t seem like it’s a real possibility for me.  That I’ve nothing left to resort to except for some little new agey things, and nothing to really offer the world.

That there is probably the crux of the issue.  All the work that i’ve done and was planning to do.  It doesn’t mean anything, really. 

Gah, I have GOT to get away from that place/subject all together.  I’ve GOT to avoid the forum, and possibly even stickam too.  Because I’m just…I’m just not getting anywhere with it.  And really, other than what I’ve managed to pull out to help my daughter and I some, there’s nothing else to do with it.

*sigh*  I’m going to bed now.  Maybe things will look better in the morning.

Someone to Discuss Vision Training with

 I met someone today that’s interested in the vision training stuff.  We exchanged some site links.  I’m really excited.  Being able to talk to someone who’s been working on his eyesight for a while is encouraging and motivating to get back into working on my own.

 I’m writing this post because there were a couple of links I wanted to give him but I’m not sure when I’ll get the chance.  So maybe, if I post them in my blog, he’ll see them.

 

I found a really cool book that parts of it can be read online.  The astigmatism section is very interesting.  Getting around the site is annoying, have to make sure that you either go to the downloadable chart section or back to the home page (ending at .com)

 

The book is called “Improve your eyesight naturally” by Leo Angart.  Site is http://www.vision-training.com/  Part of the book can be read here:  http://www.vision-training.com/Books/Improve/index.htm  And another part can be read on http://books.google.com  Look for the title/author.  Between the two sites, you’ll be able to read a fairly decent portion of the book.  I really want to order it, but last time I was on the site there were some linking issues and ordering was going to require a round about way which, at the time, I was too lazy to try.

 

After reading the book, you’ll be able to get a fairly decent idea of how to use the following downloadable eye charts:  http://www.vision-training.com/Download/Download.htm  scroll down to the Shift Chart and the Astigmatism Chart.  Those are the two best, imo.

 

I hope to get to talk with this person more about his efforts and successes and frustrations regarding vision training.  But I’m not sure when I’ll get a chance to.  Since I can’t see the words on the computer unless I’ve got the print on super large, OR unless I wear my glasses, if I want to go without my glasses again, I’ll have to avoid much of the computer.  Though, I do suppose that on chat programs like IRC or such, that we can both type LARGE print (not caps, I mean LARGER than cap print, lol).

 

Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.  When we do get a chance to chat then, I’ll ask him if he won’t mind increasing the font sizes we type in.  How embarrassing, lol.

 

I just hope he doesn’t get frustrated that I’m working on other projects and won’t get much chance to immediately read the new material he sent me.  But rest assured, I’ve added them to my favorites and do look forward to checking them out.  A program that swings desktop windows??  Who’da thunk it?

Oh, btw, the links he gave me were: 

http://www.central-fixation.com

http://www.iblindness.org/books/bates/

for anyone else who’s interested in this.

 

Time to go rest my eyes. 

Books, Occult, and Mental Mayhem

Friday I worked my own butt off going through a room full of book boxes and culling out the books to get rid of.  All in all I wound up with about 16 boxes of books to go.  The rest of the boxes I labeled and stacked on some shelves.  Now I’ve got about 16+ boxes of papers to sort through, lol.

I called my brother to find out which ones he might want before I took them to the used bookstore to sell.  (Richard thinks I should sell them through amazon, but that means the books are still here and not OUT of the house!!)  After all was said and done, the books I got rid of were mostly psychology, communications, foreign language, and homeschooling books.  I told my brother, kind of down on myself, that it says a lot about me that I was getting rid of the psychology and communications book, but keeping the magic, graphology, palm reading, and astral projection type books (along with the critical thinking and skeptism books to help keep me more grounded than I was when I first got into this stuff).  His reply really helped me feel better.  He pointed out that the psychology and communications books require alot of theory and in depth studying.  But that the other stuff I kept are fairly short/quick studies, FUN studies, and more practical than theoretical.  He’s right for all but the magic part of it, but even that is half right.

The graphology, palm reading, tarot and hypnosis type books allow me to interact with people in “odd situations”.  I used to want to be a therapist.  Even took courses to be a hypnotherapist.  But after my first client (my teacher referred her to me while I was still a student), I decided it wasn’t for me.  This woman wanted me to just, i dunno, snap my fingers and everything would suddenly change.  She couldn’t even figure out WHAT she wanted to change.  It was a very frustrating experience where I finally refused to see the woman anymore after I gave her a simple set of skills and a ’safe place’ she could go to in her mind where a mirror self would be there that she could talk/complain to who would understand her experiences.  Maybe they could help each other figure out what they actually want changed.

Anyways, that experience cut off my desire to be a therapist.  Though I admit that I still kept the sorting cards and parachute workbook for helping people sort out what kind of career qualities they want as well as sorting out motivation and leisure activities enjoyed.  I’d still like to do something with those.

So, no therapy stuff for me.  But the graphology and palm reading and other stuff, those are things that I could do as fun things.  Like, one of the used bookstores has a room with tables that they’ve offered to let me use for offering free/cheap fun readings.  Mostly I’m curious as to just how accurate these subjects can be as well as how much cold reading is truly accepted.  Well, MOSTLY, I want to interact with people in a non-life-threatening-serious atmosphere where I can pump them for all sorts of personal information as to how they feel about certain ideas, events, people, objects, etc.  Ah, good dreams!!!!!  heheheh

The magic stuff, on the other hand.  I think that ‘magical practices’ are probably the ultimate self-help program.  Most of the practices can be found in various self-help books, but under different ‘names’.  I dream of having an All the Skills You’ll Ever Need for Self-Improvement kind of book.  Take out the diety/spirit references, put things back into the mind where it originates, point out which parts are magical thinking and how those parts can be successfully utilized to alter one’s perception of and relationship to certain events.  Lol, I’ll never get this book made.  *shrug*

The magical studies have another thing for me though.  And that deals with my belief in what happens after physical life.  Mostly it deals with consciousness afterwards, and pretty much practicing developing consciousness/awareness without physical sensory input.  As well as helping me figure out some of my beliefs regarding life and after-life.  My thoughts on this are in such a jumble.  And I use these books/studies to help me sort it out. (or try to at least)  Which is one of the reasons why I keep the critical thinking and skeptism books with my magic books.  In the past I was easily influenced and suggestable by the things I’d read on occult stuff.  Even when things didn’t seem quite right, or didn’t make sense, or didn’t match my experiences, etc.  The critical thinking and skeptism books help to keep me grounded, help me to actually think ABOUT the subject at the time that I’m reading it, as well as offering me other viewpoints/explainations than what the occult book I’m reading gives me.

I have, however, decided to keep three of my psychology type books.  Because I had gotten them to help me ground the occult studies into what the body/mind is actually capable of.  I kept a book called “Sensation and Perception”, “Biopsychology”, and “Psychology in Action”.  I also kept my two books on personality strategies and issues.  I’m just not yet ready to get rid of these, though in all likelihood, I won’t understand them any better than the first few times I tried going through them.  *sigh*

Catch-up Complications

My poor Richard.  His back has been hurting since tuesday.  He thinks it has to do with maybe beginning to get the flu.  I think it has to do with all that work he did this past weekend in putting up the fence and such.  Maybe it’s a combo.  He came home from work this morning and went straight to bed.  I hope he feels better soon. 

This morning I was checking out my blog stats and noticed that there was a referrer link.  I clicked it and it took me to a socio**** forum.  I hadn’t even known I was a member of that forum.  Forgotten password and everything.  So after finally signing on with the emailed password, I got to see why my blog was linked to from there.  I guess they have a program set up so that google does a search term for *ehhem, see second to last sentence* or something like that.  And since my first “catch up” post here included that term, it got linked to.  For some reason I’m a little perturbed.  Dunno why, though.  But I thought I’d write this to let them know that I now know, and this will be the last post that uses the term “socionics”.  (at least until I forget about them again, lol) so

A bit of catch-up

Updated the Goals/Mantras page.  It’s now less scattered, more coherent.

I’ve decided to do the TTapping on M-F every day and take the weekends off.  I had thought to do 4 times on weekends plus Tue and Thu, but this weekend showed me that trying to do the exercises on weekends won’t actually get done and will likely lead to guilt over not having done it.

Richard put up a fence this past weekend so that the dog can be let out to run around without my having to constantly be there.  It’ll keep the other dogs out, and hopefully make things more difficult for the stray cats.  It will also provide another barrier to protect our cats in case they sneak outside (which they’ve begun doing with the warmer weather coming).  It took a while, but we finally found a store that sold an arbor with gate.  It’s kinda crooked right now, and I’m sure Richard will get upset about it and redo it’s set up so that it’s not crooked and is more stable, but for now I had to keep telling him that it didn’t have to be perfect, that getting it up and keeping pixie (the dog) in was the most important thing.

I’ve spent more time this past week on the forum than is good for me.  I think I wrote some decent posts, though.  I’ve had a few good comments on writing about Fe creative types.  But then one post that was more personal thoughts than anything else seems to have had a … negative affect.. one of the NiFe on the board.  Probably one of the funniest moments though was when I had described what I did to empathize with people, and one guy suggested that I had described Ti (not Fi).  I then did a google search on empathy, a posted some of my findings which said the same thing I had said about empathy (but it also had other forms of empathizing, including Si, Se, and Fe).  I think it’s funny how eager he is to try to push his opinion as fact, while ignoring what it is that Fi actually does and can do. (pros & cons)

Oh, and last night I stayed up way too late because I was on Stickam audio/video chat with some of the people from socionics.  And I got no sleep when I finally went to bed (Richard’s snoring and my tossing/turning).  So I’m sure that today I’ll be sluggish.

How Frustration easily leads to Embarrassment

Note:  If you quit reading before the end of this post, at least be sure to read the last paragraph.

Day before yesterday I pulled out my Tungsten E PDA and to see how much battery ability it had left and if it would be useful for ebook reading.  I want an ebook reader pretty bad, but the money for them is outragous atm.  I’ve read three of Jane Austin’s books on the PDA, and it wasn’t so bad, so I thought I’d give it another shot.  But I’d been having problems with the PDA keeping a charge.  It seemed like it could be charged up, off all day, and then be half way drained.  At least that is what memory tells me.

Anyways, so I pulled it out the night before, letting it charge up over night.  And then sat down to fiddle with it.  For some reason the palm program wasn’t working on my computer, and my computer wasn’t even recognizing that a device was attached to it.  So I went to the older computer where I KNOW i’ve used the pda with before, and IT wasn’t recognizing the device.  After about an hour of going back and forth, lots of frustration, removing and reinstalling the pda program from my laptop, trying to see if i’m supposed to be using a different cord, etc….I finally realize that the computers won’t acknowledge the pda until i actually touch again the hotsync button.  (Still my laptop wasn’t working with it…it had stalled out during removal process, and stalled out during the fix process and the reinstall process.)

Ok, so finally, I can get the pda syncing with the old computer.  It puts on all the old programs I used to have on the pda.  (gonna have to go through and delete what’s not needed anymore, so can clean it up)  Ok, now I can look for ebooks, right?

So I find a site called http://allromanceebooks.com  .  I had a couple of romance books that looked pretty interesting.  Yes, I like romance books.  I read them quite a bit.  But I only actually like a few that I read.  I’m pretty picky about them, wanting the people to actually develop in character as well as respond to situations as humans actually do instead of doing weird things out of character so that the “story” or “romance” can move out of its rut.

Anyways, so I purchase 2 books from this site.  Total cost is $10.  I had looked at their FAQ, and saw that for palm devices I would need to download mobibook.  So I download the first one as mobibook, and then install it onto my pda (which has adobe reader and palm reader on it, and obviously a few .prc stuff on it… .prc being the ending of the ebook file name).  I look on the device, and can’t find it.  Adobe doesn’t show it.  Palm reader doesn’t show it.  None of the programs I have show it as existing.  So I go to press delete program from the pda, and I see that the book is on there, shown as a program file, but of course doesn’t show up ANYwhere where it can be used.  ARGH.  So, upset, and knowing that I’ve got three pdf ebooks already on adobe reader, I download the second book as an adobe pdf file.  I install that.  Or try to at least.  But the quick install insists on only allowing it to be installed onto a card, NOT the device itself.  Which doesn’t make sense because the three Jane Austin pdf books are on the device, I have plenty of room for the ebook, but . . . it . . . won’t . . . put . . . it . . . onto . . . my palm device!!!  GRRRRRRR.

I was really ticked off by then.  I had one program I couldn’t use at all, and another that I’d only be able to read on the computer or if I spent $30-50 for an SD card.  For a book???  AAAGH.

So I wrote them a letter, explaining the situation, letting them know just how NOT HAPPY I was that my money had been wasted, etc etc, and asked them to help me solve the problem.  Then I sent the letter.

Out of frustration, I reviewed their FAQ, to see if I misread something or missed something…nothing that would help me.  Then I did a search for mobibook and palm, and the mobipocket site came up.  I searched their site for palm and found that there was a program specifically for palm.  So i downloaded it.  Installed it into the pda.  And reinstalled the .prc ebook.  It showed up.  (I turned red from deep embarrassment.)

I wrote back to the allromanceebooks site and apologized for having been so rude.  That I discovered that I actually needed an actual program for running it and not just a Palm device (can we say “duh!”??).  I asked them if it would be at all possible to allow me to redownload the adobe book as a mobipocket book so that i could read it from the palm device and NOT from the computer.  I really really hate reading ebooks from the computer.  (Palm device allows me to take it into the car with me, travel with it to town, etc.  Computer has me stuck beside my bed the whole time.  Plus, the angle, weight, etc. is annoying.)  I sent off this second letter.

Then I look at the adobe program.  Look it up on the adobe website.  And see that I had version 3.0 and there was a version 3.05 .  Maybe the version 3.05 would allow the other book onto the device?  So I uninstall the old version, download and install the new version.  :O  My Jane Austin books are gone!!!

I found them on the old computer and tried to install them onto the palm device again.  BUT, it won’t allow them to go onto the device.  It’s insisting on putting them onto the card.  NOOOOOOO.  They HAD been on the device before, why isn’t it allowing them to go onto it again!!  This was B***S***!

*sigh*  as it turns out, after much fiddling and nearly throwing things, one has to click “send to palm” and adobe does a converting process of the pdf which THEN allows it to be installed onto the device.  So finally, I got the three jane austin books back onto my palm, as well as the new book.

AND THEN… I get an email from the allromanceebooks allowing me to do a redownload of that adobe book as a mobipocket book.  Which I did, because I’d rather have them all as one type of program then a bunch of scattered ones all over the place.  And I deleted the adobe version of the book.

I wrote back to the company, thanking them for allowing me do the redownload.  And again apologizing for my bad attitude earlier.  (Got another email back from them saying that they were glad it all worked out, that they took my suggestion and provided a link to the programs needed on their FAQ, and that they hope to see me on the site again soon.) 

Wow, talk about customer service.  These people were great at tolerating my verbal attack, accepting my apology, and acting on my suggestion for preventing future misunderstandings by other people(idiots like me).  And I’m STILL embarrassed as can be for my actions towards them.

No April Fooling Here

Ok, so yesterday after dinner I had a banana, still felt really hungry, but was scared to eat popcorn cuz of the tooth thing, so had a fudgcicle.  (obviously not nature-made)  I did try a bowl of popcorn later though.  It took forever just to eat half a bowl, had to take each popped corn thing and pull out the shell stuff so that i could eat the popcorn without getting that stuff stuck in gums and sensitive places.  I’m thinking though, that tonight I’ll have popcorn for snack again because, well, there wasn’t the mindless eating of it, it took sooo long that I got bored enough to stop eating it, and … well… it took up a lot of time.  But the time I quit I only had a little time left to read before going to bed.

This morning I weighed myself and the scale said 183.4 lbs.  Yeah me!  Heh.  April has four weeks in it.  My goal is that I’ll reach less than 180 lbs by the end of April, without regaining to over 180.

As for TTapping, I practiced the Plie Sequence two times.  I’ll be working on that one this week, trying to refine it, making sure I’m doing it right, etc.  And I also did 1 set of HoeDowns.  Later on I’ll probably do either or both again.

I also did a long block walk and short block walk.  (Long blocks are serpenting around 3 blocks and the short block walk is walking around the smallest block by my house.)

Mmmm, what else . . .

Oh, It seems that I’ve returned to that forum that isn’t very good for me to be in.  But so far I’m sticking to simple things that I actually find interesting and avoiding any arguments for “truth, theory, and the socionics (forum) way”.  There’s quite a few interesting people on there, and some new ones that I’d like to get to know better.  So, it should be interesting for a while.  So long as I get my other work done. Heh.