Why I’ve been gone…

I haven’t posted anything in a while.  I’ve been waiting until I can sit at the computer long enough to write something at, as well as waiting for more information.  Well, the information hasn’t come in yet, but at least I can sit at the computer for a minute or two now.

I’ve had lower back problems off and on since my senior year in high school (when I had to ride a small bicycle across the city to get from my home to my school, to my job, to home, to my other job closer to home, to home).    This past episode has just taken way too long, and been way too painful…and affected way too much of my life.  I finally broke down and called a chiropractor.  He did his tests, took some xrays, and showed me what was happening.  I felt sick when I saw my xrays.  Wow, that much huh.  It wasn’t the unnatural curve nor twist of the spine that made me sick…though I was shocked that it was that significant!!!  It was one portion where the spine meets the hip.  The left side looked all nice and smooth.  The right side..the side where most my pain is…looked like something had been eaten through (like a group of wolves ripping into a deer’s neck) and then a poor attempt at sewing it back together.  Now I know that the metaphor is off…since it’s bone we’re actually talking about, not muscle/skin like the metaphor.  But seriously, that’s what it looked like.  The chiropractor said that whatever’s caused this…was an old injury, not something new.  Yet it’s obviously causing problems now.

He sent the xray to a radiologist to see if the radiologist has anything to say about that area.  That’s the information I’ve been waiting for…that hasn’t come in yet.

Meanwhile, I can’t get any adjustments for the curviture and twisting of the spine until I get an appointment with my primary care physician, he does HIS diagnosis AND recommends me to a chiropractor.  I also had to request a medicare replacement card because I just couldn’t find mine.

So, this past week I’ve been doing a lot of bedrest breaks.  When the pain drops down, then I’ll get up and do a little something, and then within just a minute or two I’m having to go back and lay down and wait for the pain to drop down again.  I’ve also had to be very conscious of my posture in laying, sitting, standing, and getting from one position to another.  This takes up a lot of mental energy, heh.  But so far it’s paying off I think.  My time out of bed is longer than two minutes.  Though, I’ve needed to go lay down since starting the previous paragraph.

The sad thing to me is…he said my spine is what would be expected of a 50+yo spine.  And then seeing that nasty area…  It’s made me think about the kinds of activities and such that I’ve always enjoyed.  Many of them I won’t be able to do again without risking hurting my back.  This saddens me.  I also won’t be able to be as physically active as I’ve wanted.  I’m having to look at ’softer’ forms of activity such as pilates and yoga.  And even the sheer amount of walking that I’ve always enjoyed…I won’t be able to do as much.

I’ve had to get rid of my nice high heels…even the 1.5″ ones.  I’m using the negative heel shoes of Earth Shoes now.  It alters my center of gravity enough that there’s not as much direct pressure on that painful area.  Alas, these shoes are major expensive for me.  And after just a few days of wearing them, I put on my T-Shoes with the flat soles…and it felt jarring.  I wanted to go back to the negative heel really badly.  In fact, I’ll be ordering a pair of T-shoes from them as well as some easy slip on sandals.

I’m also starting to recognize my age, though it bugs me because I’m only 36 and I’ve still got 40-60 years to go…more than half of my life ahead of me.  But I’m starting to set some priorities in terms of hobbies and health.  I’ve been slowly working towards that anyways, but this is the first time that I’ve taken age and the aging process into account.

Probably my biggest deal right now is wanting to get my house clutter cleared up so that I’m no longer wasting time with it.  So I can get back into the hobbies I’ve allowed left, and get back into working on my health without feeling kept back by having to work on housecrap.  This shit’s GOT to get done already!!!  So I can live again!!