Sony Reader Touch Edition 600

Last night I purchased the Sony ebook reader touch edition.  It was quite a bit of money, but I’ve been wanting an ebook reader for a while, and really want to support those that come out with note taking abilities.  Alas the cost was $300 + tax.  Is it worth $300?  Not really.  But as I said, I want to support e-ink + note taking abilities.

The past few months I’ve been craving fiction to read.  I haven’t wanted to buy a fiction book though, due to not only the cost of the initial purchase of a book, but also because for $8-12, I’m already done with the book within a few hours.  And then either I take the book to the used bookstore (possibly gain back $2-3), the library, or let it collect dust and use up space in my home.

I probably shoulda just gone to the library, I know.  But even there it takes a while to sort through the books for something that looks interesting (have to go through each book one by one, ugh).  And then the mental energy used to track where the book is so I don’t lose it, and when it’s due so it’s not overdue.  Add to that my disliking to drive much compounded with only being able to be on my feet for a little time before my back starts hurting, which forces me to keep my trips into town short and simple, one trip one purpose.  Well, needless to say, none of that is all that appealing to me.  The library may have free books, but the non-monetary costs are a bit high for me nowadays.  :(

I suppose, also, that I could read books on my computer.  Need I mention how annoying THAT is??  I really don’t like computers that much, and then there’s the weight, and size, and resulting discomforts.  Movies on the computer is one thing, but reading a book?  No.

For a similar cost I could have gotten a netbook.  That would be smaller and allow me to read ebooks and take notes too, right?  Yes, except that the netbook tablets for under $350 aren’t quite out yet.  Soon, very soon, I hope.

There ARE some items that I found really interesting, though which aren’t available yet.  Asus Tablet eee, which may or may not be available by christmas.  This is an item I’d like to buy for my daughter.

There’s also the concept product known as the Microsoft Courier.  OMGosh, now THAT I’d LOVE to have!!  A folding two screen “notebook”.  I’m not talking pc notebook.  I’m talking an electronic form of a spiral bound notebook.  That also has internet access abilities and such.  I’ve seen videos of them being used like moleskin notebooks…but even better in that you can have multiple moleskin books in ONE product.  Sorta like having a product devoted to OneNote type abilities.  This is my dream product.

I keep imagining how nice it would be to be able to take notes like with a pen and pad of paper; be able to edit and move those notes in similar method; create maps for helping me think clearer; hyperlink between maps, notes, and ideas; all while having the same feel of pen & paper as well as in a thin, lightweight item.

I’m not interested in using it for playing music, that’s what an mp3 player is for.  I don’t want to use it as a phone with monthly billings.  I don’t want to use it for watching videos, nor for playing games.  I want a simple, lightweight, easy to carry with me, won’t take up much space, “notebook” dedicated product.

I really don’t see why such items don’t exist yet.  If we’re looking at the idea of being able to carry multiple books and textbooks on a single lightweight item, why not look at the idea of being able to also carry multiple notebooks for multiple subjects/projects in a single lightweight item.

And yes, I do have a tablet convertible pc.  I’d love to use it as a tablet.  But the weight, the heat, flexibility of movement, and neck angle are all off for doing much with it.

This Sony Reader won’t get me anywhere near to the “notebook” that I want.  But purchasing it was similar to putting in my vote for what kind of product I’d like more R&D on.

These are the items I’m keeping my eyes on:

• http://gizmodo.com/5365299/courier-first-details-of-microsofts-secret-tablet
• http://gizmodo.com/5354359/asus-eee-reader-could-have-dual-color-touchscreens
• http://www.asustablet.com/
• http://www.plasticlogic.com/
• http://www.irextechnologies.com/irexdr1000

Searching the Web…

One of the fun things about having a blog is that you get to see what kinds of things people are searching the web for.  This might be items, reviews, and/or information.  Most of these searches are fairly simple.  Some…some can be flat out freaky without any context…or maybe even downright harrowing WITH context!!

An example:  today someone came to my blog after searching “what instrument can i use to cut my eyeb”.  Now, are they looking for how to cut their eyebrows?  or their eyeball(s)?  I’m hoping they were referring to eyebrow (in which case Richard uses a trimmer to trim them for me since his grow wild).  But if it’s eyeball?  I suggest asking a psychiatrist before attempting such a proceedure.  I hear they’ve got really great tools for such things.

Sickened

The past couple of days I’ve come to know a little more about one of my best friends.  Unfortunately, it’s not such a good revelation.  I recognize that people have firm opinions about things.  What sickens me is that these same people will willfully attempt to force other people to comply with their ideal, regardless of reality and/or natural human nature.  Who can give no other reason for it than word games and strawmen.  My friend, as it turns out, is one of them.

There’s a reason I avoid political discussions.  And that’s because there’s a lot of sick people out there, imo.

Sleeping in…

I woke up this morning, hacking and coughing, hacking and coughing, hacking and coughing, gotta go pee, drink some water to help soothe throat, hack and cough, hack and cough, hack and cough, pee, drink water, hack and cough some more.  I had woken up at about 1am, and by nearly 3am I was still hacking and coughing.  I figured richard needed his sleep and I obviously wasn’t getting any and was a deterrent to his getting sleep, so I gave up and went out into the livingroom to hack and cough and hack and cough some more without bothering him.  Of course, I had to shut my daughter’s door so that I wouldn’t bother her either.  So there I was, dead tired, sick of all the hacking and coughing, really really wanting to sleep, but being unable to stop coughing long enough to fall asleep, having to sit up in a hard chair that has no arm rests on it (think foldout chair!!).  At 4:30am, richard’s alarm went off.  Yay, I was finally able to go back into the bedroom and hack and cough in there again.  By the time he left for work (5am), I was finally drifting into an uneasy semi-sleep…and then finally I zonked… At least, that is, until I woke up at 5:23 worried that I wasn’t in time to make sure my daughter was up for school and all.  She doesn’t get up until 5:45am.  Thankfully, I fell back asleep quickly…of course, this time I was trying to stay awake.

Next thing I know, it’s 7:11am and there was something really important that I was supposed to remember/do.  When it finally got through my hazy head that Manta’s bus leaves at 7:04am, and that it’s so dark out that early that I walk her to the bus stop and wait until other kids show up…it was too late.  I heard the bus on the other street (just passed her bus stop).  I rushed out there, barely able to walk straight, barely able to hold my head up, to look down our road to see if she might be walking back.  Then realized I didn’t have my glasses on so wouldn’t be able to see a damned thing even if she were.  So I waited, in my jammies, in front of my house, wobbling, trying not to hack so hard I’d throw up, and waited to see if I could hear her walking back home.  As it turned out, Manta had already been gone.  She had gotten herself ready for school, made herself breakfast, walked in the dark to the bus stop, all by herself, and without waking me up.

It used to be that she’d wake me up for the silliest of things.  She scored on a game and just HAD to tell me all about it, even though I’d be sick as a dog and lucky to finally get some sleep.  But this time… she let me sleep, and boy did I need it!!

After coming inside, and spending a few minutes over the bathroom sink, hacking and coughing and hacking up some of the mucus from my lungs, I felt that I had to let her know SOMEthing, I was feeling so guilty.  So I wobbled into the kitchen to get the phone and phonebook for her school.  And that’s when I noticed that she had left me a message on the fridge saying that she had to go to school so she went.  Double the guilt.

I finally stopped hacking and coughing long enough to get a hold of the school and leave a message saying “thank you, I’m sorry, I hope your day goes better than this morning”.  That wasn’t quite what the message in my head was, but that was what finally came out before I started hacking and coughing again.  After hanging up, I realized that what I had said and what I had meant to say didn’t match up.  Damn, I hadn’t even told her I love her.

I crawled back into bed, and thought about maybe leaving her a phone message?  But then I noticed that there was a text message on my phone.  I looked, it was from her, from this morning, probably made and sent while she was sitting in the dark waiting for the bus to come, saying that she loved me.  So, 40 min after that message was sent, she got a message from me (while she’s on the bus to school) thanking her for letting me sleep in, that I really needed the sleep, and that I had left a message for her at the school before I had seen this message, and that I love her.  A few min later she messages me back saying she had been worried about me, and that she’d see me later (my cue not to message back, heh).

I am so proud of her.  Thankful too.  Between hacks and coughs I’m trying to figure out what I can do to show her my appreciation.  Probably spend part of the day looking for the no battery flashlight for her, and then maybe, obtain a single flower and place it in a vase in her bathroom.

Financial Issues Solved

One of the things that’s had me freaking out the past few months is that the child support had suddenly stopped coming in.  Immediately after purchasing Buggy, no less.  So for the past three months I’ve had an extra $200/mo bill but an income that was $255/mo less.  Can we say freaking out??

So today, 1/2 way into the 4th month of ‘they should be taking something out of this check or the next’, I finally said screw this and went to welfare.  I signed Manta up for TANF which is a guaranteed $359/mo on the 1st day of every month.  No more wondering when/if the money’s going to come in.  It’s now set up.  We’re getting it, period.  Let welfare deal with the no-shows.

I don’t believe that Manta’s father intends the hardship.  But the result is the same, with or without intent.  And now it’s taken care of.  Embarassing yes.  But no more freaking out over trying to budget money that’s not there.

Tomorrow I can go into town and pick up this month’s prorated amount of $191.  It’s a relief, I tell you, to know that it’s there for us.  Now I should be able to finally get the rest of her school needs shopping done.

3 weeks on No S Habits

21 days to start a habit?

So far so good.  I started at 198.8, and my trend weight is now 194.8.  So that’s 4 lbs in 3 weeks.  And done very gently.  I’ve actually seen weights as low as 191.8.  But the trend weight which is a moving average has me at 194.8.

After an S weekend, the daily weight goes up a bit.  But so far it’s stayed below the trend weight.  So even though on S days I’m snacking and sweeting it up, I’m still reducing my weight overall.

This past week I wasn’t doing strictly No S Habits, though.  I’ve been slowly incorporating the info from the book “The World’s Healthiest Foods”.  So far doing green tea one time a day (instead of the recommended 3).  Trying to have a fruit with every meal (some meals are easier than others to include a fruit in).  Trying to learn different kinds of no cooking fruit dishes.  And trying to learn about everyday fruits like oranges, apples, bananas, lemons/limes; and expanding out to seasonal fruits.  Then I’ll branch out into vegetables.  All other eating hasn’t changed except for the No S aspects.

As you can tell by the following numbers, on No S Habits alone I was reducing about 1 lb a week.  Adding in the slightly better nutrition and it’s at about 2 lb a week.

Numbers:

• 8/25/08 started No S Habits; weight = 198.8
• 8/31/08 1 week of No S Habits; weight = 196.8 (-2 lbs); trend weight = 197.6 (-1.2 lbs)
• 9/7/08 2 weeks of No S Habits; weight = 195.6 (-3.2 lbs); trend weight = 196.8 (-2 lbs)
• 9/14/08 3 weeks of No S Habits; weight = 192.8 (-6 lbs); trend weight = 194.9 (-3.9 lbs)
• Today’s weight 9/15/08; weight = 194.0 (-4.8 lbs); trend weight = 194.8 (-4.0 lbs)

The numbers above give an idea of how the daily weight can go up and down from previous days, but that the trend weight can still show an overall decreasing in weight.  Less stress viewing the scale this way.

From here on, I’ll probably just post monthly updates in the tracking section.

First day of Jr High

Today is Manta’s first day at Jr High school.  She’s now in 7th grade.  Part of me is glad to have this time to myself again.  And part of me is missing her.

The bus picks her up at 7am, and drops her at 3:15pm.  She’ll be eating breakfasts and lunches there, so I won’t have to worry about that.

They are lockerless, so they send books home at the beginning of the school year.  The books stay home until the end of the school year.  The kids use classroom books in the classroom.  So she won’t have to keep traipsing around with a bag full of back breaking books.  Just her binder and pens/pencils, etc.  They do have PE lockers for her to keep her PE clothes in.  I figure fresh clothes on Mondays and Wednesdays?  I hope that’ll be enough.

The school has a program set up so that parents can sign in online and look through their child’s grades and what each class is doing or did that day.  Parents can see what the homework assignment is, etc.  I like that set up as it’ll give more immediate feedback than waiting for the teacher to send some kind of letter after it’s too late.  It’ll help me know where/when manta needs a little more help, and which help/techniques are working for her and which aren’t.

I think she’ll really like being in Jr High and High School.  The class/home work may be a necessary evil, but the socializing and extra curricular activities make most of it worthwhile.

Where’d He Go?

This morning Richard mowed the lawn while I tried to distract myself from fretting over the transportation issues.  After he was done, he raked the clippings into an area where he’d pulled a couple of stumps out.  Then all was quiet.  I looked out the front, he wasn’t there.  Looked out the back, maybe he was cleaning off the mower or something, he wasn’t there.  So I went out to the driveway.  What a sweetheart.  In the heat we’ve been having, despite the heat of the day already, he was out in the oven aka van pulling off the rear heater cover so he could see if he could find out what was wrong.  He found the part that was bad, but neither of us knew what it was called, and both thought we might have to go to a junkyard to find another one.  But neither of us knew quite what to do, who to call, what to say, etc.  So I went next door to get my neighbor to look at it and maybe give us a name to refer it by.  He and his brother-in-law have worked on a number of cars together I guess.  I don’t like to bother him, but he never seems bothered by my silly questions.  Neither on the van nor the scooter.  But still, I don’t want him to feel used or anything.  But he’s also the type to not accept any kind of cash payment for his time.

Anyways, so he came out, saw the part, told us what it was called, called two places he usually goes to for parts, then began getting the part out.  He didn’t have a shirt on, but had no problem laying on the gravel.  He removed the clamps on the hoses and got the two hoses detached.  And turned his head as my van peed all over his hat and where he was laying at.  Once he got all the liquid out of that, he went back up into the van and him and richard got the part completely detached.  Then, as he was wiping off the tools, he said that when we were ready to reattach the new one, to come get him.

Richard and I went into town to order the new part at Schucks.  It’ll be in tomorrow afternoon.  Richard will be able to pick it up after work.  So the van may be driveable in the next couple of days.

Talk about a relief.  It’s like a heavy rock has been lifted off my spirit.  I’m still waiting for it to fall on me again.  But for now, just knowing that it’s something that can be fixed rather easily helps a lot.

Now, what to give the neighbor in appreciation for his time and efforts.  He doesn’t drink.  He’s a far better cook than I’ll ever be.  They already have fans in their windows.  *sigh*  Looks like I’m going to have to try to catch his wife outside so I can ask her.

Feeling a Little Better

Still haven’t figured out a solution for the van yet.  On monday I’ll probably call a mechanic who lives in this community (even though his shop is closer to town) to see if he’ll come take a look at where the leak is and give me an idea of if it’s just a hose, a connector, or if it’s going to require something more in depth like pulling out the rear heater or such.  If it’s going to be an easy fix, then I can get it done in october.  But I do fear that he’ll be working on that, notice something major that needs to be done, and then something else and then something else, ….a snowball effect.  But if it can be fixed and get me to and from alger so I can use the bus into and out of town, then I do believe that that trapped feeling will ease a lot.

Much of it also stems from money issues, and the fact that purchasing the scooter was the absolute worst decision I’ve made in a long time.  I like Buggy, don’t get me wrong.  But the cost of starting out has just been way beyond my means.  And I still have to get a full face helmet and my license.  I’d like to try the msf course using Buggy, but I can’t afford it yet.  And I haven’t been able to practice riding since Manta got home.  I’ll be able to resume practicing when school starts.

The kickbike purchases however don’t fall under bad money decisions, imo.  So far they are doing one of the things that I had hoped to get from them.  Manta has her own kickbike (it was ordered just just prior to my being told that mogoscooters was going to reduce its prices).  We’ve been spending the evenings riding around and racing each other and seeing who can stay on the longest/furtherest after just 5 kicks.  So far she’s won the first 3 out of 4 contests, lol.  For these riding sessions we wait until it’s cooled down a lot…like, 8:30pm.  We also use the kickbikes to go to the local gas station store for breakfast stuff or whatever.  That’s been fun.  We’re both wanting to go into town with them though.  I’m still trying to figure out how we’re going to do that.  The heat has just been unbearable lately.  August is always the worst month for heat in PNW.  I should figure out what kinds of things we can do in town between 8am-3pm, since that’s how long we’d have to be in town if we took the mon/wed bus.  *sigh*, yet once again, it wouldn’t be like that if the van could get us to and from alger as we could take a different bus that is about 2 hours apart.  That’s a far better time frame than 8am-3pm.

As for homemaking, Richard told me last night that he doesn’t mind cooking after work, he just doesn’t like trying to figure out WHAT to cook.  So I think today I’m going to sit down and figure out what meals we’ll have during the week, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and snacks.  I hate planning things but if it means that we’re not eating depending on my willingness for cooking or not, then maybe we can eat a little healthier than we have been.  Since Manta’s come back from her dad’s, I’ve had her washing the dishes once a day, sometimes twice.  But I’m trying to keep it down to once, and not the pots/pans.  She’s not happy about it, but it’s been a real help.  So if I’m not spending every day, three times a day trying to figure out what to make, making it, AND washing dishes, then I’ll have more energy to put into cleaning up other areas of the house.

As soon as I get my tooth cap actually put on, then I can do more decluttering again.  I’ve had to take a pause on the decluttering because of the dust stirred up and allergy to the dust and cat stuff also stirred up.  I can’t have the dentist working on my tooth if I can’t breath through my nose.  So now that my nose is somewhat recovered, I can make the final appointment.  At least having the cap put on is already paid for.

I believe that once I get this place even half way decluttered then it’ll be easier living here.  A little more relaxing and less ‘demanding’.  Last week I did make a good dent in the extra bedroom though.  We can actually walk in there, and one of the van’s benches is now in there so there is also sitting space now too.  Prior we could barely walk in there and had to pull boxes out so we could even get into there.  now the walking space is actually enough for two people to pass each other, heh.  So combine that with the space that the bench is taking up, and that’s a pretty good sized dent made.

Ok, so I’m off here now, gotta go figure out this week’s menu I guess, get some laundry done, and a few other chores.  (Did I mention how much I hate homemaking??  heh)

That Trapped Feeling

Ever get that trapped feeling?  The one where you feel as if people expect things of you that you can’t give, or expect you to be something or behave some way that isn’t at all natural or a part of you?  Where you make a commitment and find that circumstances show you made a mistake, and you can’t find a way out of that commitment?  Where stupid Murphy and his Law keep stepping on your toes?  Where problems in one area of your life seem to reflect problems in another area…or worse, when you project the problems of one area into ‘reflecting’ the problems of another?

I hate that feeling.  And I’m feeling it pretty strongly right now.

So many little things.  Buying the scooter was one of the worst mistakes I’ve made.  Not only did I listen to the dealer and get the 50cc, which couldn’t fit my needs, I lost a lot of money to upgrade it to the 125cc.  I went from one year of debt to two years.  Add to that that suddenly child support payments seemed to have stopped.  Then all the money that went into gear, to the wasted msf course, etc.  And now can’t sell the scooter for its worth because of the minor crash damage.  Add to that the van busting a window on the trip bringing the scooter home.  Had no choice but to get it fixed or not have the van as a resource.  Get the window fixed and just a week or so later get a major coolant leak which I can’t figure out how it’s leaking and so will need to take it into the shop.  Can’t even use it to drive 5 miles to the bus stop.  Which leaves me stuck in this neighborhood at least until school starts in September, but no emergency vehicle.  And anytime I feel stuck, or trapped, I WANT to move.  I get an irrational urge to just MOVE.  To FIGHT being stuck.

So this feeling of stuckness…of being trapped… has begun to bring up the feelings of being trapped that come with single parenthood.  My daughter expecting things of me that I can’t give her.  Of having spent 12 1/2 years with her, and being ’stuck’ with another 6 more years.  My longest relationship prior to her was 9 months max.  The feeling of ’stuckness’ is only this strong because of feeling stuck due to the transportation issues.  As if the van issues are amplifying my issues with the single parenthood thing.

The feeling of stuckness has also entered into my thoughts/feelings of my relationship with Richard.  Of how I could never be the kind of girlfriend/etc that he’d really like.  Of how I can’t even meet him 1/3 of the way.  Thinking he would be better off with someone other than me, someone who could give him the attention he deserves, and fulfill some of his needs.

I’ve started thinking about and imagining running away.  What would I do?  Where would I go?  I’ve survived before, would I survive it all again?  I could have the freedom to roam where I want to roam, eat what I want to eat, not have to worry about feeding a family, or cleaning after anyone else but me, have my own schedule and not have to figure out how to incorporate everyone else’s schedule to fit together somehow.  I am NOT a homemaker!!!!  I fuckin hate this shit!!!

And so, for now, I’ll continue to feel stuck, in multiple areas of life.

At least until I can get that stupid van fixed.  Argh!